Secrets of the Universe
by Wednesday Wildheart
Summary: AU. There is no love like the first.
1. Prologue

A/N: Hi, reader. This was formally titled, I Want What You Have. In writing this story, know that I took inspiration in several literary works I've read and songs I fell in love with over the past couple of years which most of you could be familiar with. Got my fingers crossed that I'll finish this story. Happy reading!

Disclaimer: As always, Gakuen Alice does not and will never belong to me.

* * *

 **Prologue**

They once believed that they would conquer the world together.

As he stared at the box of polaroids, he wondered what were the odds of meeting another soul as breathtaking as hers. Mikan never knew she was iridescent and delicate. Like art.

Mikan . . .

Whispering sweet nothings into his ears until he falls asleep. Standing next to him on the bus or train because she doesn't want his feet to be the only ones hurting. Making everything less beautiful in his eyes.

Underneath the overwhelming blanket of the stars, she thought of that shining moment when he told her he felt he can do anything. Natsume never had much faith in the impossible.

Natsume . . .

His fingers lightly touching that heart-shaped birth mark she used to hate on the inside of her wrist. Looking at her as if she was the only girl in the world. Making the world feel a lot more lonelier than before.

They once believed that they can conquer the world together.


	2. Believe

Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice does not belong to me as well as the songs and literary works mentioned in this story. To clear things up, the songs mentioned at the beginning of every chapter didn't necessarily inspire it. Rather, they were intended to suggest the theme (an epigraph, if you may) or whatever's going on in the mind of the characters. It had always been fun to interpret songs. Borrowing the words of Hans Christian Andersen, "When words fail, music speaks." I suggest that you also listen to these songs if you're looking for new sounds!

* * *

 _So open up by eyes,_

 _Tell me I'm alive._

— Mumford and Sons, _Believe_

 **Mikan Sakura**

When Mikan Sakura woke up that morning, she remembered half-wishing on the night before for the world to be different. For her life to become at least a little bit more exciting. However, disappointment was what met her once she opened her eyes on that sunny morning in September. The world was still the same. She was still stuck in the life of a responsible girl everyone, especially her parents, had high hopes for.

Reaching for her phone, she checked what time it was—6:25 AM—and inwardly cursed her body clock for waking up five minutes earlier than her alarm. For not maximizing the time she had set for sleeping. There's so much that five more minutes of sleep can do to one's system.

After turning the alarm off to avoid the unnecessary noise, she returned to her previous position on the bed and looked at the ceiling. Vaguely, she recounted what she had to do once she gets off her bed—fold her blanket, check the contents of her schoolbag, get her uniform out of her closet, take a bath, wear her uniform, double-check her bag once again just in case she missed anything while her mind was still hazy from sleep, then go downstairs for breakfast.

"Here we go again," she muttered before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

She was sixteen.

She was bored.

She was unhappy.

This being a complete opposite of what she expected, hoped, _and_ wished for when she turned said godforsaken age last January in a posh room in the Tokyo Prince Hotel and when people greeted her a _Happy sweet sixteenth birthday, Mikan!_

After taking a bath and dressing up, she went downstairs into the kitchen and greeted her parents. Her mom, Yuka, was busy preparing breakfast while her dad, Izumi, was already seated at the table, busying himself with the Economics section of the newspaper. He's a university professor.

He folded the newspaper and put it on top of the table. He asked, "Mikan, sweetheart, have you already checked the primer for the medicine program in Stanford?"

Mikan helped herself with a French toast and fried egg from the breakfast plate her mother set for her on the table. She took her time in chewing the bread before replying, "I don't know, dad . . . I honestly don't think it's for me."

"What do I always tell you?" Izumi said.

"Don't leave it all to fate . . ." She recited slowly then added. "But—"

"You make your own chances. This advanced program is a really good opportunity for you to build your network and have a faster entry into med school," Izumi said. "Besides, it is Stanford."

"Imagine the kids who want to go there but can't," Yuka said before putting her hand on Mikan's shoulder. "Put yourself in their shoes, Mikan."

She knows loss when she sees it. She has lost in this one. Again. As always. There's no point arguing her way out of the situation, especially when her mother starts to use that guilt-tripping line.

"I have a colleague who works there and I've been telling him about how excellent you are with your academics. I'm sure he'll be glad to help out in the application process," Izumi said.

"No, dad. I'm fine. I'll check the primer as soon as I get home."

The conversation was over. She forced a smile at her parents. She was getting good at this.

Once she was done, she excused herself to get her bag from her bedroom. She got her phone from the desk, opened the Music app, and put it on shuffle. Instantly, the voice of Brandon Flowers filled the room and she let it console her unhappy soul.

* * *

 **Natsume Hyuuga**

The loud music Natsume Hyuuga streamed from Spotify could never drown out the noise in the back of the old Chevy truck. He removed his earphones and kept them in the pocket of his denim jacket.

The sound of Koko loudly laughing as he recalled last night's events to their other friends and Mochu sucking some chick's face, as if her cheeks got boobs, made him stop listening to Spaceman.

"Man, that was one hell of a party," Koko said with a happy sigh.

Taking a break from the early morning make-out session, Mochu turned to his friends, and said, "Why so quiet, Natsume? Can't forget your shag last night?"

His best friend, Ruka, asked, "Thinking of a round two?"

Natsume snickered, "You know I don't do chicks twice, Ruka."

The boys chuckled at his confidence. The mayor's son, Reo, said, "There'll be another one on Saturday, lads. In Odaiba beach."

"As long as there's booze, I'll be there," he said.

Natsume Hyuuga hated parties. He didn't like the loud music nor the senseless chatter. He never wanted to be the life of the party but he needed a good distraction from his confusing life.

He was seventeen.

He was miserable.

He was lost.

As the truck slowed down to a stop in front of his house, Natsume noticed the auburn-haired girl at about the same time everybody else did. She was standing in front of their porch, her back straight like the role model student she was, patiently waiting for her dad to maneuver their minivan out of the garage.

"What a boring girl," Mochu commented. "Looks like she spent the whole break reviewing for the next term."

Koko waved his hand and loudly greeted her, "Good morning, Sakura!"

The girl blinked twice before replying, "Oh, hey. Are you guys on your way to school?"

The boys looked at one another, stifling a laughter at her question. Expect Mikan Sakura to ask such question despite seeing them in a non-school attire.

What an awkward person.

They never attend the first day of classes. They wanted to avoid the organized orientations and the endless ice-breakers which almost every teacher in Alice Academy seemed to enjoy facilitating. A waste of time.

"Why, yes, of course. Who would wanna miss the first day, right?" Mochu said with a huge grin.

She gave them a timid thumbs up and said, "Alright, I'll see you guys at school then."

Natsume rolled his eyes at the stupid conversation and got off the truck.

* * *

 **Mikan Sakura**

After Natsume fluidly jumped off the truck, she watched as he turned towards his red-haired friend. With a closed fist, he reached out to Natsume, and inserted something into his hands.

Natsume gave a mock salute to his friends in goodbye and walked towards his house.

"Mikan, let's go," her dad called out to her.

"Yes, dad," Mikan said.

"What was that all about?" Izumi asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just greeted me," she responded as she entered the car and fastened her seatbelt. "They're my schoolmates."

"Are you close to that Hyuuga boy?" Yuka asked.

"No, mom. We're just in the same batch," Mikan said.

"I heard from Mrs. Akagi, you know the one from church," Oh, the irony. "That he got delayed because he failed tenth grade last year."

"Maybe he had problems or something," Mikan said.

"Problems? He's a kid, sweetie. What does he know about the world?" Yuka said. "He failed because he always skipped classes."

"He's a troubled teen," Izumi said.

"I feel sorry for his parents. I bet they don't know what to do with him anymore. Thank the heavens that we were blessed with such a good child," Yuka said.

"Avoid that problem child, Mikan. You don't need a troublesome acquaintance in your life," Izumi said, giving Mikan a pointed look through the rear-view mirror.

 _At least he's actually living life_ , Mikan wanted to tell them.


	3. Places

Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. I got this line, _Sending a cheque once a month does not make him a father_ , from A Walk to Remember. Disclaimed.

Know that I change tiny details in published chapters whenever I see something in the current chapter I'm writing that doesn't match them. Truth be told, I still haven't fully made up my mind yet when it comes to how I'll portray their personality and dispositions. Annnnnd, I've decided to add a couple of questions in every chapter (like the ones below). No need to tell me your answers (though they'll be greatly appreciated), just . . . think.

1\. What do you think of Taylor Swift? In relation to her brand of feminism? And as an artist?

2\. If you could be somewhere else, where would it be? Why?

* * *

 _The world's got a funny way of turning round on you_  
 _When a friend tries to stab you right in the face_

 _—_ Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, _False Pretense_

 **Natsume Hyuuga**

"I thought you'd be home early," Kaoru, Natsume's mother, said as he entered their house. She was seated in the living room, her feet propped up on the center table as she lazily watched Banana School.

"I am early," Natsume said while removing his Chucks and putting them in the shoe cabinet.

"Yeah, early in the morning that is," Kaoru said before taking a sip of her morning coffee.

When Natsume didn't respond and only continued walking towards the kitchen, Kaoru continued, "Will you ever greet me in the morning?"

Closing the refrigerator door after getting a carton of milk, he said, "Thinking about it."

"Your dad called—"

"He is not my _dad_ ," he gritted out. "He's just some asshole you fucked when you were young."

"It was a nice fuck."

"God, you're disgusting."

He wished Kaoru would act more mother-like. Like the ones who religiously attended motherhood seminars, knitted winter scarf, and baked gingerbread cookies. Not exasperate her son even more.

"Look, we even popped out a good-looking boy."

"He could've just jacked off into a blanket or didn't push too hard."

"Now, where's the fun in that?"

Natsume knew his mother's wild spirit, especially when she was younger. She told him about her misadventures when she was drunk. That's why he knew that her mother took a morning-after pill that advertised a ninety-nine percent effectiveness. But of course, there was the one percent catch.

And he was the result of that one percent chance of failure.

"Anyway, your father is—"

"Sending a cheque once a month does not make him a father. You know that, mom," Natsume said in a firm voice and proceeded to go upstairs.

Once in the safety of his bedroom, the first thing he noticed was the crisp white expensive-looking paper on top of his desk. Embossed with gold ink were the names of the man he used to fondly call _dad_ and the woman he cheated with.

The immense urge to leave this place he once considered home resurfaced. He wanted to find another earth, start a new civilization, and stay there.

 _But where?_ Natsume wondered in vain.

* * *

 **Mikan Sakura**

"That new Taylor Swift song was bomb," Anna said. "I can't get it out of my mind!"

"Goodness, Anna, stop. I hate that bitch." Sumire said.

"Bad news, Shouda. At the rate she's going, you're gonna hear _and_ see her everywhere in the next two years or so," Hotaru said.

"She was born to dominate the charts, honey," Mikan said.

"I honestly thought that 1989 sucked all her creative juices but boy, was I wrong," Nonoko said.

"I know right! Her creativity knows no limits," Mikan said before playfully singing. " _I've got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined. I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!"_

"Ugh, stop singing that wretched song," Sumire exclaimed as she covered her ears which encouraged the other girls—except Hotaru—to sing louder. She continued, "Taylor is the perfect example of a bad feminist."

"True, but she profits off every aspect of her life. And I respect her for that," Hotaru said.

"We all know you love everything that screams gold and cash," Mikan said.

"Money makes me a better person." The girls giggled at Hotaru Imai's honesty and love for wealth.

"Lovely morning, ladies?" asked a blonde teacher with a beauty spot near his left eye.

"Good morning, Mr. Narumi!" the girls greeted in chorus, Hotaru's much less enthusiastically. Their conversation about the blonde celebrity was temporarily abandoned when they entered the classroom.

 _"_ _Bonjour, cher élèves!"_ Narumi said as he walked towards the teacher's table. "Please ensure that you indeed belong to this Literature Appreciation class."

Holding a couple of stapled pages in his right hand, Mr. Narumi continued, "This is the poem set included in the syllabus. Tomorrow, we will dissect Emily Dickinson's _Much Madness is Divinest Sense_."

"Will there be a recitation?" A student from the back asked.

"Yes, _of course_. This is a class meant to explore romance and the passions of the human race. And I don't think spending the whole term writing 500-word reflection papers—which you could copy online—counts as exploration. I will be calling on students randomly so it is best to be prepared. _Comprendre_?"

When the class nodded in understanding, he continued. "Moreover, you need to choose a class beadle. A responsible one, _s'il vous plaît_. Whoever wants to volunteer for today will only be temporary . . ."

"I volunteer, Mr. Narumi," Mikan said.

"And by temporary, I mean until the term ends. Thank you, Ms. Sakura. A great reward awaits you," he paused. "in heaven."

The class laughed then he continued, "We'll officially begin with our class tomorrow. Quite a number of your classmates . . ." he paused to look at the class attendance sheet. "Ah, Mr. Hyuuga and his posse, are absent."

He proceeded to pack his things on the table and said, "I expect everyone to answer the question on the board next meeting. Class dismissed."

Scribbled on the board in thick pink chalk was the question:

IF YOU COULD BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

* * *

 **Natsume Hyuuga**

That night, he found himself perched on the overhang under Mikan Sakura's bedroom window.


	4. Good Girls

A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. Furthermore, I also don't endorse the use of illegal drugs and other harmful substances. This is only a work of fiction which I hope would remind you of what it feels like to fall in love for the first time while also being confused with yourself and the world around you (it's completely normal!). If you have problems, talk to a trusted friend or see a professional. Be safe, kids. Now, for the questions:

1\. What was your breakfast this morning?

2\. What do you do when you're hurt?

* * *

 _So you swallow your heart and you swallow your pride  
You've got to be tough if you want to survive_

— Kodaline, _Unclear_

 **Mikan Sakura**

She had been observing her reflection on the mirror inside her bathroom when she heard shuffling of feet and a thud by, what she guessed, was her bedroom window. For a minute, she thought of Rapunzel and wished she had a magic frying pan with her. Putting her bathrobe on and securing it tightly around her waist, she walked towards her door and silently opened it.

Mikan screamed.

There was a stranger sitting on the floor, peering by the window as if looking for any signs of his pursuers. Upon hearing her scream, he stood up and swiftly walked towards where she stood and covered her mouth with his hand.

"Shh, it's me," the boy whispered.

Recognition dawned upon her when she had a good look of the intruder. It was Natsume Hyuuga dressed in a black shirt, jeans, and . . . white socks? He was breathing heavily, perspiration evident on his forehead. The brief silence was broken when they heard the door of her parents' room open followed by a _Mikan, is everything alright?_ from her mother.

She looked back at Natsume with her eyebrows creased, silently demanding for an answer. He removed his hand and said, "Don't turn me in."

She would've answered back at his callous way of asking her a favor. Or simply shouted that it was Natsume Hyuuga who entered her bedroom at this hour. Or ran as fast as she could to get out and call the local police. Or screamed again. But when he gave her an almost-pleading look, she found herself locking her door and answering her parents, "I'm completely fine, no worries! I just saw a cockroach and got surprised for a bit."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I already took care of it."

"Alright, sweetie. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She heard them retreat back to their bedroom and she felt cold with relief. She walked towards her desk and awkwardly stood by it, her hands tightly grasping her pastel yellow bathrobe. She breathed, ". . . So?"

He didn't answer. Rather, he proceeded to draw her curtains to a close which briefly made Mikan anxious. Certain that he only did so to ensure that no one would find him, she asked again, "Mind explaining what you're doing on a school night? Actually, no, don't answer that. Why are _you_ here?"

"Had to hide. Someone's chasing me."

"Because?"

"I thought I only have to answer the last question." At this point, he was already seated on her bed.

"Look, you were the one who came here uninvited. Out of nowhere. I let you into my room without telling my parents, mind you. It's only fair that you tell me what's going on."

He ran a hand over his face before replying, "Lost a game and got dared to steal some chick's thong. Didn't know her grownass boyfriend was around when I sneaked in. Obviously, he ran after me." He spread his arms open. "So, here I am now."

"Why my house though? You literally live right there," she said while pointing at the window that was concealing his house.

"Forgot my keys. Mom's not home. Saw that your windows were open."

"Did he recognize you?"

"No, I don't think so. It's pretty dark outside and I'm wearing black."

She hesitantly looked at his shoes . . . or absence thereof. "What happened to your shoes?"

"Had to throw it at him so he'd slow down for a bit. Bastard's surprisingly fast."

She nodded in understanding before replying in a semi-reprimanding tone, "What you did was wrong though. It just doesn't make sense—"

"Things don't always _have_ to make sense," he said silently, directly looking at her eyes. Through her soul.

Natsume said it in such a carefree yet certain manner and Mikan felt something inside her breaking into smithereens.

* * *

 **Natsume Hyuuga**

Feeling that there would be no more questions coming his way, he asked, "Do you have a spare towel I can borrow?"

"Y-Yes, of course."

He watched as she turned around to get a towel from her closet and a couple of papers from her desk. As she sat on the bed a couple of feet away from him, he caught a whiff of vanilla that seemed to ooze out of her.

She smelled nice.

Natsume discreetly pulled the front of his shirt self-consciously and looked down. He smelled like sweat and asphalt.

"We're classmates in Lit Appreciation and there'll be recitation tomorrow. Mr. Narumi said we'll discuss this poem," she said while pointing at a particular page before turning to him with a soft smile. "Oh, and here's your towel. You can use the bathroom."

"Alright."

Surprisingly, his unexpected stay in his neighbor's room hadn't been as awkward as he initially thought it'd be. Although he wouldn't admit it out loud, he's grateful that she let him in despite not sharing a familiar relationship together. Sakura was actually a pretty decent human being to talk to. Quite tedious with all her questions and almost-lectures, yes, but she'd been nothing but nice since he got here.

He borrowed the towel to wipe the sweat off his face and body. He only had to wait a couple of minutes to make sure that the chick's boyfriend—monster Kintarou—is no longer around this area. Satisfied with how he felt compared to awhile ago, he went out of the bathroom. The first thing he noticed was the small collection of books stashed on the wall-mounted shelf beside her bed.

"Do you like books too?" Sakura asked out of the blue, probably after noticing how he intently looked at her collection.

"No," he lied. "I just imagined you'd have tons of books around here."

"Ah, the honor student image, I see," she said while crossing her arms across her chest. She had already changed into pyjama pants and a loose shirt, probably while he was occupying her bathroom.

"Yeah, I guess."

"My parents, especially my dad, don't really appreciate books. Like they don't want me reading them," she explained as she sat on her bed. Natsume followed suit and sat beside her, maintaining that three-feet distance between them. They're still strangers, after all.

"Why?"

"Uhm . . . they think it makes me super emotional and detached from reality. That's why I don't have a lot."

"Old people always think they know what's best for their kids."

"I read in the library whenever I can though," he heard Sakura say in an attempt to defend her selfish parents.

"In secret, right?"

"Well, yeah . . . My dad has this future planned out for me and he doesn't want me to get distracted."

"You're what, sixteen? They're just books. You shouldn't be thinking of a career nor letting them dictate what you can and can't do." After shaking his head in amusement, he added, "Live a little."

"Says someone who failed tenth grade last year," she muttered but he heard her loud and clear. It sounded like an accusation, a confirmation that he's really not going anywhere in life. Even if it were true, it still hurt to hear it that way.

"News does travel fast around here," he mused, trying to ignore the faint stab in his chest. Sakura was still a stranger to him anyway and even after tonight, she'd still be. Her comment didn't and shouldn't matter.

* * *

 **Mikan Sakura**

"I-I didn't mean it that way."

"It's fine. It doesn't matter."

Her comment made her red in the face and small in front of Natsume. She knew she said it to get even for the way he implied that her parents were overly strict on her, not trusting her capacity to make decisions. If she were another person, she would've agreed but she felt indebted to her parents for giving her the life she had. The least she could do was trick herself into believing that there's nothing wrong with having your future figured out _by_ other people.

It felt weird for someone who's not even close to her to put the truth out in the open.

And the truth hurt.

And when you're hurt, the immediate response is to inflict pain on the other as well. Humans are selfish and pathetic that way.

* * *

 **Natsume Hyuuga**

As awkward silence filled the room, he proceeded to check the time on his wristwatch—10:27 PM. He was pretty sure that monster Kintarou would have already been out of the area and had gone back to his girlfriend's house. He also heard the familiar purr of Kaoru's Camaro being driven back into the garage.

Out of habit whenever he bids someone goodbye, he touched her right knee which made her involuntarily jerk a little. If they were close, he would've humored her about it but they weren't so he said, "Mom's home. Gotta go."

"Y-Yeah . . ."

He grabbed his copy of the poem set, walked towards the window, and pulled the curtains apart to exit the same way he entered half an hour ago. When he was already on the other side, he heard Sakura call out to him, "Natsume!"

"What?"

"Talking to you was," she paused for a bit as if thinking of the right word. " . . . nice. Have a good night's sleep. See you in school."

And the sinister side of him thought that a good night's sleep either meant taking sleeping pills or smoking pot. His mom's around so he'd had to settle for the former.

But she doesn't need to know that.

He nodded and instead of replying with a goodnight of his own, he said, "Shut your window."


End file.
